98. Day 71


Dear Readers,

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Today is day 71 (28th May 2020) of staying home. I did not have the mental space to sit and blog about anything in these last 30 days. After my last blog, everything went downhill. I didn’t have the mental space to do anything.

I was in a zombie zone – getting done with all the assignments due. I didn’t feel confident. I took a lot on my plate irrespective of having assignments due. I started panicking.

I became extremely negative about everyone and everything. After my family and friends explained it to me – I realised what I was doing. I started panicking about panicking, and I think that until today I was in panic mode.

I stopped panicking today. I thought I’ll write a blog and try to bring back some level of normalcy and colour – into my life.

It may seem like I am getting carried away and thinking about the future – but I have always been the person to plan the future. So I have started working on my “goal”. But this time – I won’t be telling/sharing what I have in mind. I feel like I’m jinxing it by talking about it or announcing it.

The people extremely close to me know that I’m starting to prepare. I guess there’s no need for X, Y or Z to know about every decision I’m making and the process. I’m only talking about it here because I need to document this time in my life.

So that when I look back and read my blogs – I hope I have a sense of “little did she know how her life is about to change”. Yes – I am a bit of an idealist.

Well – coming back to the now – I’m much better. I have six assignments that are still pending. I am soon interning again. So I’ll be a part of 2 internships – which seems fun. The aim in June would be dedicating as much time as I can for studying. Nothing else.

I’m adopting the retrospective mindset. I’ll explain more about it when I see it working because again – I don’t want to speak too soon. Before June begins, I want to finish my pending assignments – so I can focus on studying and my internship work (assuming my college doesn’t resume in June).

With regards to creativity, blogging, social media and playing games – I’ve stopped engaging in such activities. I log into my social media accounts only when I want to upload something. I barely scroll through my feeds nowadays.

I barely read the news – I read it only when it pops up as a notification. I realised that there is something called “too much” social media. One thing I did do – was to cook a lot – even if it was to make the same dish over and over again.

Hope you all are doing well. I have a lot of catching up to do. I’m sending you all loads of love and positive vibes.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

6 Comments »

  1. That sounds like a pretty awful 30 days. Breaking nasty cycles is always nice, so I hope you don’t fall into it again.

    Good luck with the pending assignments and internship! Do the internships relate directly to what you want to do in psychology (as I recall that’s what you’re studying; hopefully I didn’t get it wrong), or is it a bit of a “general” thing and it could be anything relating to psych?

    By the way..the mandala picture on the top–is that one you made?

    Liked by 2 people

    • I luckily didn’t fall into it again. And you were right. It is a psychology internship – more specifically – a clinical psychology internship. And yes, I made that mandala, did you like it?

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’m relieved to hear you didn’t fall into it again!!

        That internship sounds so exciting! Have you been able to do anything so far, or are you primarily following a mentor?

        Also–yes! I do like the mandala. The inking is so smooth and detailed. It’s so pretty!

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m primarily simply following a mentor who’s teaching me what different types of therapies exist and how we can implement them and who benefits from each therapy. And thank you, glad you liked it.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. In part I understand what you’ve been through. I suddenly found I had nothing to blog about, stopped reading and generally felt out of sorts for about 10 days. Like you, I did cook. I guess we have to find a creative outlet. But now I’m back and have 2 posts I’m pleased with. I hope you are able to go on writing now. I’ve also noticed a few people have had too much social media during lockdown and less people seem to be blogging as regularly as they use to. Hope your plans come together. Keep blogging.

    Liked by 2 people

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