81. How My January Went

Blog Post

Dear readers,

January was by far the most stressful month of my life. Stressful in terms of being anxious, afraid and majorly sleep deprived. I have no regrets. I don’t hate January for being so stressful. Would I have enjoyed it better if I didn’t have anxiety attacks? Sure. Would I have liked to sleep better? Definitely. But still, I have no regrets.

I think it’s gotten to the point where (I know it’s not a thing but) I’m emotionally self harming myself by putting myself through this vicious cycle of:

I want to be better – something bad happens – I think of all the negative outcomes – I start panicking – I end up having an anxiety/panic attack – things go haywire from there – it takes almost more than 15 days to get back to normalcy – I want to be better – something bad/stressful happens again.

And honestly, I don’t know how to get out of it.

BUT. On the positive note, a few AMAZING things happened in January like:

  1. I hit 2K followers on my blog. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to every single one of you who hit follow. Means the world to me.
  2. I got some clarity about what I can possibly end up doing after my post-graduation.
  3. I got an invite for my bachelor’s graduation/convocation. It kinda sucked because I thought I wouldn’t be able to go, but by the end of the month, I finally could confirm that I can go for my bachelor’s graduation. I’ll be getting my degree on February 11th. Even though there are a few complications, I am so so excited about that. Because it’s my graduation day and it’s the day that is going to make feel like I’ve done something worthwhile and have done some pretty cool things. And plus, I get to wear the graduation robe and cap.
  4. I met my professors who have taught me so much and mean the world to me.
  5. I have become more confident in terms of what I want to say and I’m still trying to still learn how to properly say everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt others.
  6. Academically, I have learnt so much and seen so many new cases and patients and I’m learning a lot from this one professor who patiently explains every single question of mine.
  7. I don’t know if it’s a good thing but I’m becoming more empathetic and I’m liking it.
  8. I have to thank A, A, M, D, N and P for being through this with me this entire month, I know I may have left them feeling helpless, but them just being there for me without any judgements, opinions and understanding what I was going through (without expecting that I’d act normal) meant the world to me.
  9. I did bunk a few classes which seemed exciting and fun.
  10. I also went to a pub and a restobar for the first time with my parents and that’s pretty dope.
  11. And lastly, my brother came home after what felt like a decade.

Exactly why I meant that I have no regrets. There’s always a silver lining. We just have to have the patience to wait for it and realise it. It’s already February. But the first two days of February I spent in college, I felt bad, I cried and I went out with my mom. So tomorrow is the third. I’m not going to be able to be hyper and fully positive because I’ll be getting less sleep tonight. But from tomorrow, I’m changing a few things. The first few days is going to be hard, I agree. But, I’ll learn to adjust to it.

Hope you had an amazing month. Please do tell me about your month in the comment section below and your views about this blog in general. Have a great February and an amazing week ahead. I personally am very excited for this month.

Regards,
Realistic Beginner.

6 Comments »

  1. relatable post- for me that was a large part of 2019, so Imagine 12 months of your January. My January this year for the first time in a few years was actually decent. nothing too exciting, nothing too awful. there were a few hiccups that tried to get me down but I figured it out. I was very sick the 1st 2 weeks of January so out the window went my weight loss plans. Hoping for a productive year overall

    Like

  2. Hey, you liked my post today. Thanks. I don’t have your followers so it means a lot. From my experience life does line up. That doesn’t mean shit doesn’t happen. It does. But I learning the trick is spotting the good stuff, be it ever so small and celebrating the and being grateful for it. Gratitude seems to have a power all of its own. As you’ve read my post you know I’m trying to expect and spot those moments when everything lines up. I had an amazingly small one today. I almost missed it. But it was there. They happen. Watch out for them.
    I hope the rest of your month is really good.

    Like

  3. I used to have anxiety about all kinds of things, in fact I still do. But I have learned to walk through the fear and continue improving my life. I always imagine the worst case scenario and then it never happens. Never. Courage is not the absence of fear, it is feeling fearful and proceeding anyway.

    Best wishes to you on your journey through life.

    -Eric

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Congratulations on graduating soon! Enjoy your brother’s presence as much as you can! I’m sure you will have a great time together!

    And I wish you all of the guidance your need when you encounter rough times. May everything work out with the current stressors in your life.

    Liked by 2 people

What did you think about this post?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s