65. RB is Back
There is no excuse for me to not be writing my weekly blog. I’ve just been out of it. I’ve had so much to do and I put myself under a lot of pressure which did not allow me to free my mind and think about writing, to be honest. Well I’m trying to be back. I’m trying to start writing again because I miss it.
There is so much that’s happened in the last 4-5 months which I can’t fathom to explain everything in detail. I did things I was super proud of. Some things were daunting, but I went ahead and did them anyway and they weren’t daunting anymore. I did some things I was not so proud of. But again, that’s how life is, isn’t it? But I have zero regrets. I learnt from my mistakes and I’m striving to be better.
Apart from things that have happened, I have started getting too emotional about a lot of things and I don’t like that about myself. I hate that I am emotionally getting affected by someone’s words and it’s bugging me. I need to go back to the person I was before, because this is affecting my daily functioning, which it shouldn’t. Right now I need to focus on getting into a decent college. I need to think about spending time with the most important people in my life. Since I’d stopped writing, I didn’t have an outlet for me talk about how I really feel about everything and anything and I guess that was what affected me more. So, to avoid this in the future, I must not stop writing.
With respect to my Bachelor’s, I’m finally almost done with my Bachelor’s. I have no classes to attend anymore. I just have to go to college for three more days in total, for three exams, and I’ll be done with it for good. To be honest, leaving this particular college was not daunting or emotional. This could be for two reasons: 1, I am already looking at the next thing, I’m not giving it time to sink in that I would not be going for class anymore in this particular institution. And 2, I didn’t allow myself to get emotional with this place or people apart from a selected bunch of people. The only thing I will miss is these few people. Once I’m done with these three exams, then I’m done for good. All I’ll have to worry about is where I get into for my Master’s.
I truly am nervous for the future. This is daunting. Thinking about which college I get into, whether I will get into a college. What I’m to do if I don’t get into a college. What I am to do if I get into one. But, right now I’m only trying to focus on one thing: studying for entrance exams. I need to work my ass off for them. I need to study. I need to. I want to.
I could have taken a break year. But I don’t want to. I want to jump to the next thing. I need and want to because (it may seem a little too exaggerated and you’d also say that I’m thinking wrongly) I’m nothing without my studies. I know I said this for my writing as well, but it’s true. I am not that great at other things. Slowly I’m getting better at practising violin. But if I want to make a mark in this world, the only two ways I can see myself doing that is either through my academics or my writing. I am not a person who is a non-profit organisation worker or a mainstream 9-5 IT company worker. I’m someone who studies and loves studying and I am someone who writes and loves writing. It’s as simple as that. So, it’s very important for me to get into a college for me to continue doing both. If I don’t get into a college, this year, I will try again next year. And I won’t stop trying until I get both.
I will not promise that I’ll write regularly, but I want you all to know that I will try my best to write every Sunday. I also want to thank everybody who recently followed my page, to everyone for still reading my blogs and for checking up on my website for new content. I’m sorry for not putting up new content. I’ll try my best to do it regularly from now on. Hope you all have been great. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section below, as usual. Happy Sunday and hope you all have a great week ahead.