56. Afraid: Not Knowing
This week regular classes for my last semester have begun. Things have already started piling up, I need to be on my toes already. I need to also figure out proper time slots and remain organised if I need to get everything done. Not really aiming for getting up at a particular time or sleeping at a particular time, but getting the daily things done is what the overall goal is going to be.
This Sunday, I thought I shall speak about fear. Specifically, fear about things I don’t know/understand. I have learnt about myself recently that whenever I don’t know something, I fear it. One among the reasons why I fear my anxiety attacks are because I haven’t really figured out why I have them. If I don’t know how to play a game in the initial stages, I fear it. If I don’t know anyone and I fear speaking with them. If I don’t know a concept in my syllabus, I start fearing it. If I don’t know the answer to a particular question someone is asking me, I start fearing it. So, basically I start fear things, people or anything I don’t know.
Now let me explain this fear. I start sweating, my chest starts hurting, a weird sensation in my stomach, my heartbeat starts increasing, I start getting nauseous and my mouth feels dry and if I’m alone. This fear often leads to self doubt which hinders functioning.
I feel this every time I start anything new, as well. I don’t really know how to tackle it. And I haven’t really pondered about the why. It was like a new enlightenment when I was having a conversation with someone close. If there’s anything you would like to add with respect to this blog or give solutions that might work for this problem, please feel free to write about it in the comment section below. Have a great week ahead.