This week I turned 20. Birthdays aren’t usually my thing. There are a few bad/unhappy memories attached to my previous birthdays. But this time, a few individuals apart from my family went out of their way to make this birthday pretty darn special. I will always remain grateful for this. Don’t think I would change my perspective on birthdays but it’s good to have a good/happy memory attached to it!
I have always been that person that lives in constant fear waiting for something bad to happen. Something that I would bring upon myself or something that would just happen because the circumstances/situation happens to be that way. And sometimes I can accept that, but sometimes I still can’t handle it and I go into this panic state which lets my mind run at 100 km’s/hour. I know the root cause, but I still can’t completely conquer it.
Next year this time, I would in a way know what my future would look like. So much would change. I hope it’s a good change and I’m happy with doing whatever it is that I am doing. I don’t want to be forced into doing something I don’t want to do and I wish that I get to do whatever feels right at the moment and make it work further from there.