20. Long Lost Love
Let me tell you about my relationship with dance. I started dancing when I was four years old. I love dancing. I was very flexible. I could do splits, handstands with such ease. Now, I’m just a fat potato who can’t do anything, properly. Without trying to boast much, I used to be proud of the way I danced. I took part in a lot of programs in school and outside school, as well. What is dance to me?
Dance. Dance is like meditation. When I’m dancing, I am free. When I’m dancing, dance is all I think about. Dancing takes all my problems away. I’m not thinking when I’m dancing. The beats. The way my body moves to the tune. I feel utmost happiness when I’m dancing. I’m just trying to explain what I feel when I’m dancing. Dancing brings out my emotions. Dancing overwhelms me. Dancing makes me smile. Sometimes, when people ask me ‘what does dance mean to you?’, I often say some random adjective that comes to my mind, then. But, what dance means to me, can never be put into words. And to be honest, it’s something that I don’t want to put into words.
So, why did I stop dancing? I stopped dancing because I wasn’t confident anymore. I stopped dancing because I was dealing with a lot of other things that needed immediate attention. I stopped going for dance classes. But, it was mainly because of lack of self-confidence. Even now, you ask me to go stand in front of the crowd and dance, I wouldn’t be able to. I wasn’t able to dance in front of my friends, but lately that’s changing.
So I have been working out for a few months, now. And one among the main reasons for me to do that, is to bring my body to be able to do things that I could do, with such ease. I want that back. I want my flexibility back. I want to be able to dance the way I used to. I want to be intoxicated by the feeling that dancing gives me. I may or may not show-case it to the world. But, I want to do this, just for me. For my own joy. I was like a rubber-band. Now I’m a stone. I want to be a rubber-band again. I want to love dancing again. If dancing was a person, then, I’m the idiot who let go of it, because I was dealing with my own problems and couldn’t give it enough attention. It’s a long lost love, that like many love stories, went away, because I was too stubborn. And now, I want it back. I hope it gives me another chance 😀 But, in all seriousness, I would love to give dancing another try and hope it works out.
What am I waiting for? Nothing. I’m just making excuses. It’s just fear. I’m afraid that what if I’m not able to do the things that I used to be able to. And I know what you all will say. That, I’ll never know unless I try it. And, I agree. I’ll never know until I try. Maybe I should just give it a try. Writing a blog about dancing made me want to dance. And that’s something I never thought I’d say. It made me realise what I was missing out on. Sometimes, we tend to forget about the things that gives us utmost joy. And I’m glad I wrote down my thoughts on dancing. Maybe, I’ll even give dancing another try. I’ll suck at it. But with practice, I’m sure I can bring the spark back. And I hope I do. Hope you all have a great week ahead.