15. Comedy Of Errors
This week, I had made a big mistake that I couldn’t deal with. I made a bunch of errors in the past three months that lead to a bigger error that made me throw away everything I was working towards. I was shattered when I found out. And, it took me 12 hours to get over it. How did I cope with such news? I slept for an hour. I woke up. Fought with someone I dearly love. I skipped dinner. Then, once I wanted to try facing this problem, I started talking to my friends about it. Then, I tried to change my mood by laughing at videos of my friends and I. And then, when all my friends finally went to bed, and I was all alone at 3 am, I wrote. I wrote everything I felt. Everything I wanted to say, every thought, every word. And, (I’m not ashamed to say this) I cried. I don’t usually shed tears. At least I try not to. But, this night, I cried. I was so overwhelmed. Once I was in control of my emotions, I started thinking logically. I started with what can be done about this situation. What should I do differently this time? Since, I’m a person who prefers writing, I wrote down every possible solution to this problem along with its pro’s and con’s. I stayed up the entire night, doing this.
Do I regret doing everything I did? No. But, if I can be honest, I wish I handled it better. Not to the world. To the world, I seemed perfectly normal. I didn’t cry and I didn’t react. I was laughing at myself in front of them. I mean, internally. I wish I didn’t feel as low as I did. I wish my confidence didn’t scoop down to zero. Internally, I was fucking shattered. But, something I’m proud of myself for doing is I eventually made fun of myself and laughed it off. It took me 12 hours, agreed. But, it ended with me laughing at my mistakes, which according to me is the most important part. You have to laugh. You have to laugh at yourself. So when the world laughs at you, you won’t be hurt.
Why am I sharing this story with you? Because I want you to look at errors the same way I do. And if you are actually overwhelmed by your mistake, it’s okay. It’s just that after the error is made, and after you deal with your emotions, you have to learn how to laugh it off. From sulking to a week straight, I’m glad I brought it down to 12 hours. Look at mistakes/errors with amusement. Do not be afraid of making errors. Trust me, if a person like me who was always afraid to make the silliest mistake, can laugh off a grave mistake in the most humble way possible, then so can you. Errors are something, I’m known for making, daily. I make so many errors on a regular basis, that it’s funny. I’m so used to making errors that it doesn’t matter, anymore. I used to be affected. I used to be afraid of failure. I used to hate making errors. I felt that I was a bad person or a stupid person for making errors. Not anymore. Not since I decided not be affected by errors. Making errors define me. I’m not me without errors.